The story: Brian Cushing cheated. He came up dirty on a blood test for some fertility chemical called hCG which is commonly used to mask some of the physical side effects of steroid use and is often taken after someone completes a cycle of performance enhancing drugs. He failed the test in September but was allowed to continue playing throughout the appeals process and thus is suspended for the first four games of the upcoming season. Regardless of how it got in his blood stream (because, of course, he’s completely dumbfounded by the whole ordeal), he played while being chemically influenced by a banned substance and, therefore, cheated. He was caught, both the individual himself and the team he represents will suffer fairly significant consequences; everything is fine.
The problem that makes this a bigger story: he was awarded the Defensive Rookie of the Year award by the Associated Press. Whoops… A group of journalists voted for a cheater to receive a relatively prestigious award because no one had broken the story that had unfolded months prior. It’s fine though, no one should have ever thought to continue to pursue allegations that have followed him since high school. No really, it’s totally cool; we all know how those sports writers like to hero-worship any white dudes who excel at a position contemporarily dominated by black players (read: Brian Urlacher). Fans do it too (read: Baltimore’s reaction to last season’s repeated benching of Paul Kruger). There’s a simple solution: do what old white guys gathered together always do: give yourselves a mulligan and vote for someone else WHO DIDN’T CHEAT.
The bigger problem that makes me sick: they re-voted and he won again. What the hell, Associated Press? Where’s the feigned morale outrage about the state of sports in America? If this shit happened in baseball we’d be sitting through hours of Special Reports with their own theme music and all the pseudo-journalists would be forced to give up their air time to real writers (Enjoy the day off Mr. Berman!) talking about how their daddy’s NFL players would never disrespect the shield like kids today. They did what they did for the love of the game (Author’s Note: And a weekly income comparable to that of a part-time migrant fruit picker).
HE CHEATED. BRIAN CUSHING IS A CHEATER. There is a legal way to participate in the sport of football and he did not participate in said way. HE F***ING CHEATED, why is he allowed to keep anything related to his performance when it wasn’t entirely his performance? The winners of the Defensive Rookie of the Year award for the past three years have been: (in order) DeMeco Ryans, Patrick Willis, and Jerod Mayo. All three of these men are heralded as the next great linebackers in the NFL, and all have, at various times, been talked about as the next Ray Lewis. Brian Cushing on the other hand, has more in common right now with the 2005 winner, Maryland’s own Shawne Merriman, who also has served a four game suspension for violating the substance policy.
Some bloggers have rushed to Cushing’s defense citing his natural instincts and feel for the game. It’s a hell of a lot easier to act on those instincts in a bigger, faster manner when you are chemically enhanced. Speaking of faster; remember how rookies often have trouble getting acclimated to the speed of the pro game? Not Brian Cushing+ (Now with more fertility chemicals)! He has been able to train his body to stay focused and reactive long after everyone else on the field has tired out. Other rookies have trouble adjusting to longer, harder seasons? He plays for the Houston Texans so it’s not like he has to worry about playoffs, but even if he did; BC++ is ready to go!
So why did this happen? Let’s take Cushing’s own words:
“There are a lot of different options for how it can get into a male’s body. Personally, I know that I didn’t ingest or inject anything, and the fact that my options were that I was either injecting or I had a tumor, as I was told by some sources, I played the whole season thinking I had tumors”.
It’s time to back down from this defense there kid, because, unless you make with the tumors, you are going to come off looking like a complete and utter jackass to every sports fan in America. Really? You thought you might have a tumor? Have some doctors run some tests with OVER TEN MILLION DOLLARS the Texans guaranteed you back before you embarrassed their franchise. Create some sort of a paper trail showing you were concerned for your life because when you failed the test IN SEPTEMBER you had to have known someone was going to ask a question sooner or later.
It’s the same thing with anyone who tests positive for a drug and claims that it must have been a supplement tainted with something illegal: SUE THE MANUFACTURER. Sue them for all they’re worth and profess, in a court of law, that you are the innocent victim and they are the scumbags. Your silence tells us all we need to know about the shame you cheaters have never learned to properly articulate. Our loyal readers know that I don’t use CAPITAL LETTERS as a form of EMPHASIS very often; this whole thing pisses me off to no end.
Hell, what does it matter? To paraphrase Zak’s thoughts: “I just don’t care anymore; if I worried about every cheater I wouldn’t be able to appreciate the game in general”.
Damn you Brian Cushing, you cheating bastard. How dare you put me in a position where Zak actually makes sense…
Oh yeah… Brian, if you actually do have a tumor: my thoughts and prayers are with you and your family through this difficult time. Whoops.
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